When something that you open up in your email or see in a tweet has you frozen in shock, it takes a bit of time to come to terms with the reality that your life just might never be quite the same, again! It leads to you possibilities, questions and inquiries that, perhaps, in time will offer some insight and richness to your life in ways that range anywhere from highly informative to life-altering.
Contemplating one’s identity involves a myriad of feelings and experiences, but likely even more so for those who were adopted! Imagine you were to find out almost immediately after attempting to contact your birth family from another country that they had been waiting a lifetime to meet you – and, oh, that you also have a TWIN (!!) that you had never known about! I would say that it would conjure up a truck-load of emotions, and certainly some questions, wouldn’t you?
Discovering that my colleague, Dan, is creating a documentary (and raising funds) that is to focus on Korean adoptees, including himself, on the offset did not strike me as mind-blowing, (wait for the “until…” coming up) any more that than finding out that this young man (whom I had collaborated on a couple projects and campaigns with during various times) had been a close high school friend of my youngest brother! Stumbling upon that common link a few years back, in itself, was another reminder that technology enables us to see how we are much more connected than we think!
It wasn’t until I heard Dan read his biological mom’s response regarding his reaching out to his bio-family, that I began to internalize what an impact the news must have been for him (and for all involved!). There are no words spoken quite like a mother in grief. I have a hard time even imagining the heart-wrenching feelings I would have as a new mom, compelled to part with my newborn, let alone be in the position to even contemplate separating my own twins!
The journey of unraveling the past, trying to make sense of it and even coming to peace with it is unique to each adoptee involved, but I truly believe that what becomes crucial is holding as top priority the opportunity for the adoptee to process the news however s/he sees fit, and that the rest of us just need to lay low in the process, with no expectations at all. As in Dan’s case, when you were not raised in the culture nor the language which you were born in, especially when your appearances might lead others to presume you were, you might have more of a yearning to connect with your roots, or in Dan’s case broaden your sense of identity.
I look at Dan’s passion in all he does, and now have greater insight as to part of the fuel that makes his light shine so dang bright, and I commend him for following his passions and heart so courageously! And he had me with “Future Rock Stars”!!!
I am now inspired to share my own family’s recent discovery. Thanks, Dan.
To be continued… And here it is…
Added on 8/24: What if You Just Found Out You Have a Twin? – Part II